Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
