Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
