do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
