Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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