At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i think my cat just said my name.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
