i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
