is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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