Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
