I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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