I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
