Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
