Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
