I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
