just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
