Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm too high and old for this...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
