I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
