Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
