woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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