dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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