I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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