His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
