I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
