so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
