five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
