i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
