I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
