I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
