i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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