i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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