I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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