anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
