No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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