what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
