i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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