wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
