R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
