Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
