Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
