I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
