I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
