your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
