who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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