No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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