He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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