Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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