I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
