she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
