I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
50% drunk capacity currently
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
