I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
