i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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