It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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