Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
