Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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